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Dear Car Manufacturers

Stop trying to be so damn clever. Stop inventing problems to solve.

The newer cars I’ve driven do some mind bogglingly stupid things, you have to wonder how the ideas got into production.

Take the Renault Megane. I drove this as a courtesy car after my accident. Decent car with one big flaw: the hugely distracting digital speedometer.

Yes, it’s important I know how fast I’m going, but don’t stick a massive digital speedometer in my direct line of vision which, with its constant changing digits and contrasting colours, keeps distracting me from the road. Make it subtle or give me a good ol analog speedometer. I’ve been driving an Astra for 5 years and can’t remember thinking once, oh jeez, why didn’t Vauxhall stick a massive distracting speedometer in the middle of the dashboard? Didn’t anyone at Renault test drive the Megane at night and spot this?

Another car – the 2012 VW Passat. I drove this for a wedding just yesterday, it was all fine and dandy until it started pissing down with rain. Having been driving for more than 5 years, I’ve had my fair share of driving in the rain. No problem I thought, I’ll just use the wipers to clear my windscreen. Oh boy.

Not only are the front wipers frustratingly slow, even at top speed, but there’s no rear wiper! Yes, I’m having to do a 300 mile round trip along the motorway, driving at speeds of 70 mph in torrential rain (faster when overtaking), and I have no way to a) get decent visibility up front, and b) no way to clear the rain to see directly behind me when overtaking (or eventually – parking up)!

Which half-wit at Volkswagen decided to take a perfectly good solution to a problem and replace it with….nothing. Zilch, zero, nothing. Which moron at VW decided this was acceptable? Why on earth are they taking away the rear wiper? Which non-existent problem were they trying to solve? Fuck you very much VW.

And what is it with the button handbrake? Not only does it leave me feeling insecure when using it, if I press the accelerator hard enough, it automatically releases it? What.the.fuck?!

The entire point of the handbrake is to keep the car from moving no matter what. So not is there no way to check, with a single glance, that you’ve pulled the handbrake, it doesn’t even do its job properly. Call me old fashioned, but this doesn’t sound like progress to me.

Dear Car Manufacturers, stop trying to kill your customers.

Ok, just kidding, but at least stop taking away perfectly good solutions and replacing them with crap. I love VW cars (can’t say the same for Renault), in fact, I hope my next one will be a VW. But if your cars have shitty ‘solutions’ to non-existent problems, don’t expect to see my money in your coffers.

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